How to find pen pals in later life
Last updated 10th March 2026 by SunLife Content Team
7 min read
What is a pen pal? Meaning, definition and how they work in the UK
A pen pal is someone you exchange letters or messages with to build a friendship. Many people over 50 enjoy having a pen pal because it’s a simple way to meet new people, learn about different cultures, and stay socially connected.
In a world where many of us only speak to strangers on social media, meaningful connections are becoming more sought after. Having a pen pal is a great answer to this.
Why pen pals are good for wellbeing
Finding this meaningful connection in later life, through activities like letter writing, can help people maintain friendships and reduce feelings of loneliness.
Writing to someone you don’t know in person is a fantastic opportunity to learn about different communities. It gives you a chance to hear from people with a different perspective on life.
In this guide to finding pen pals in later life, we’ll explain:
- How you can find pen pals through websites, social groups or community schemes
- How you can write letters, emails or messages
- How you can stay safe online
What are the different types of pen pal?
There are three different types of pen pal, depending on how you want to communicate with your new friend:
- Traditional pen pals: Where you send a letter through the post
- Email pen pals: You can exchange messages by email. It's quick, free, and may be easier if you communicate with someone far away
- Digital pen pals: You can chat using apps or messaging platforms
Whichever type of pen pal you want, there are plenty of people out there who would be happy to begin having a conversation with you!
How to find a pen pal online
Nowadays, it’s easier to find a pen pal than ever before. The internet is the easiest way to search for the type of pen pal that suits you.
Whether you want a pen pal in a specific part of the world, or with a specific interest, there are many ways you can find people you want to connect with.
Listed below are some of the most popular sites for finding pen pals, although this list is only a small sample of the many options you can find online.
Global Penfriends
Global Penfriends is a family-friendly site where you can connect with someone over lots of exciting conversation starters.
Maybe you want to learn about a new culture or begin learning a new language? In which case, connecting with someone in a foreign country could be the beginning of not only a new friendship, but a new skill as well.
Worldwide Snail Mail Pen Pals
Worldwide Snail Mail Pen Pals is a Facebook group with over 44,000 members. It offers a wide network of potential pen pals for you to get to know before you even give them your address.
As a member, you simply post a call for a pen pal and other members who are interested can comment on your post. The group is carefully moderated to ensure a safe and pleasant experience for all members. And being based on Facebook, it gives you another avenue to connect with your pen pals.
Pen Pal World
Pen Pal World lets you connect with over 2,900,000 people from around the world. You can customise your profile to find pen pals you’d enjoy talking with the most. All you need is an email address and you can connect with people of all ages and nationalities.
A free profile allows you to speak with three pen pals each day. A VIP membership of ten cents a day lets you speak with up to 50 people every 24 hours.
Postcrossing
Postcrossing is a project where you don’t write actual letters (physical or electronic) but instead communicate with your pen pal using postcards.
You simply ask for an address and postcard ID, send your new pen pal a postcard, receive one back, and register their postcard’s ID. Then repeat the process to make even more pen pals!
By doing this with more and more people, you can quickly gather a collection of postcards. This gives you something physical to remind you of the people around the world you’ve connected with.
Tips for staying safe online
- Create a safe profile with limited personal details to begin with, e.g. don’t use your full name or share your home address straight away
- Use a dedicated email: create a new email address specifically for pen pal correspondence to keep your personal email private
- Use moderated platforms or groups
- Be cautious about sharing financial information
- Trust your instincts if something feels suspicious
- Be cautious of someone who declares deep love or friendship immediately, or uses overly sweet, romantic language early on
- Scammers often create a sense of urgency to make you act quickly without thinking
- Be wary if they insist on moving from the pen pal site's messaging system to personal email, WhatsApp, or text messaging immediately
How to find a pen pal locally in the UK
If you don’t want to search for a pen pal online, there are plenty of ways to discover a connection the traditional way. After all, pen pals existed long before the internet did. Here are three ways you can find a pen pal offline:
Go local
Communities and local clubs can be a great place to find pen pals, either by ads or just talking to people.
Check your local libraries, community centres, volunteering programmes or intergenerational projects to ask about any pen pal schemes.
Even if they don’t have one, they can likely point you in the right direction.
Friends and family
No-one said a pen pal has to be a complete stranger. Ask your friends and family if they know someone who might be interested in making a new pen pal.
Lots of people have relatives living abroad. Or perhaps they know someone who can’t get out of the house often, who’d be delighted to get a letter asking how they are. And having a shared acquaintance can be a good icebreaker!
Schools and councils
Government bodies often have programs that encourage people to reach out to others overseas.
This can help people expand their horizons and build good relationships with other communities. Why not see if your local institutions have partnered with another city or village to write to each other?
What to write in your first pen pal letter
Writing your first pen pal letter can be important, as it's your potential pen pal’s first impression of who you are.
Here’s a breakdown of how to write your first letter, and how to ensure you make the best first impression with your new pen pal:
- Introduce yourself (first name, age, city or region – not your exact address)
- Explain why you wanted a pen pal
- Share your interests, hobbies, or favourite activities
- Ask a couple of questions about them
Tell your new pen pal the essentials
Before telling your life’s story, it’s best to explain who you are and why you’re writing to them in the first place.
Mentioning how you found their information is also important, as it lets them know you're a legitimate pen pal and not a scam sent out to lots of people.
Finally, tell them why you decided to write to them. Out of all the potential pen pals, you were interested enough in them to reach out and start a conversation – so let them know what made you make that decision.
Talk about your own hobbies and interests
This is where you can speak more about yourself and what interests you have in your life. Common interests are a great way to build a relationship with your pen pal.
- Creative interests: things like drawing or painting, music you enjoy, photography, writing, or crafts
- Active hobbies: sports in your countries, outdoor activities, fitness routines, travel adventures, or gardening
- Learning and personal growth: books you’re reading, skills you’re learning, goals you’re working toward, documentaries you like, or historical topics that interest you
Common ground will make future letters easier and more engaging, so be sure to mention lots of things that make you who you are.
Ask some questions
Remember that you want your pen pal to write back to you, so be sure to ask them some questions about themselves in your first letter.
These questions can naturally lead on from something you mentioned about yourself (“so what hobbies do you have?”). Or they can be something you genuinely want to ask them (“what’s it like living in ‘....’”).
Ask about anything that interests you, but try to make it something they can write a fun response to, or would enjoy writing about to a stranger.
What not to include in your first letter
- Personal details: Don’t share your phone number, home address, or financial information
- Complaints or negativity: Keep the first message positive
- Romantic language: Be friendly, not flirty
- Sensitive topics: Avoid politics, religion, or cultural debates at the start
- Too much information: Keep it simple, don’t overload them with personal details
Don't try to force people to write back
Writing to a pen pal should be an enjoyable experience for both of you. Focus on making your letter as friendly and fun as you can, and they’ll write back if they want to. If they don’t respond, simply try again with a new pen pal.
What to read next
Pen pals are a tremendous way to build new connections in later life and reach out to people you wouldn’t normally meet. But they’re not the only way to connect with a new community or friend.
Face-to-face get-togethers can help break up the day-to-day and prevent loneliness. Take a look at some of our other articles on how to grow your friendship group in later life:
The thoughts and opinions expressed in the page are those of the authors, intended to be informative, and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of SunLife. See our Terms of Use for more info.